Joke a day.....

[twinpinesmt]

You know you're living in 2006 when...


1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

15.You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

16 You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

17.You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19.You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.



AND NOW YOU'RE LAUGHING at yourself. Go on, forward this to your friends ... you know you want to!

[twinpinesmt]

Cowboy's Guide to Life


* Your fences need to be horse high, pig tight and bull strong.

* Life ain't about how fast you run, or how high you climb,
but how well you bounce.

* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere
tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jest happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna
happen anyway
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and
think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm, 'cause
the colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is
stop diggin'.

* It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal
with watches you shave his face in the mirror every mornin'.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes
from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than
puttin' it in.

* Don't squat with you'r spurs on.

[twinpinesmt]

Questions that really need answers...

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

2 Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
going to look up there anyway?

8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!

9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't
he just buy dinner?

10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

13 Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

14. Stop singing and read on..

15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

17. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

18. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

19. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address in the first
place?

LIVE WELL..LAUGH OFTEN

[twinpinesmt]

1. Men are like .......Laxatives ...... They irritate the nuts out of you.

2. Men are like ........ Bananas..... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ....... Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ........ Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ...... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6.. Men are like ....... Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ........ Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ........ Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ....... Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ....... Popcorn ...... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like ..... Snowstorms ...... You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like ....... Parking Spots ......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

[twinpinesmt]

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in thewindow saying: HELP WANTED Must be a good typist and be good with acomputer. Successful applicant must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

A short time later a lovely chocolate labrador retriever dogtrotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at thereceptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, whined and pawed the air.

The receptionist called the office manager. He was surprised, tosay the least to see a canine applicant. However, the dog lookeddetermined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager expectantly.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you must be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded toquickly type a perfect business letter. He took out the page and ! trotted over to the manager, gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but told the dog, "That was fantastic,but I'm sorry. The sign clearly says that whoever I hire has to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again, went to the computer and proceeded todemonstrate his expertise with various programs, produced asample spreadsheet and database, then presented them to the manager.

The manager was dumbfounded! He said to the dog, "Hey, I realizethat you are a very intelligent applicant and have fantastic talent, but you're a dog -- no way could I hire you."

The dog jumped down and went to the sign in the window and pointed his paw at the words, "Equal Opportunity Employer."

The exasperated manager said, "Yes, I know what the darned signsays. But the sign also says you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked him straight in the eye and said, "Meow."

[twinpinesmt]

1 . WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

2. WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal, evil thing I could do to him."

3. UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. How can you take boiling wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider?

4. MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife, Grace, listened to the instructor. "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?" The rest of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop right here.

5. CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales clerk notices him and asks if she can help him.. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter, She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife.." He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton cigarettes and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers 'cause it's so much cheaper. I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she." (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton.)

7. HARD OF HEARING?

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use each day.....30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men." The husband turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

8. AND GOD CREATED WOMAN

A man said to his wife one day, I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.

[twinpinesmt]

Redneck Medical Terms


Artery......................The study of paintings.
Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................A sheep dog.
Coma........................A punctuation mark.
D&C.........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................To live long.
Enema.......................Not a friend.
Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................A small lie.
Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................I knew it.
Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................Pretty near killed him.
Secretion...................Hiding something
Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
Tablet......................A small table.
Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.......................More than one.
Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
Varicose....................Near by
Staff Infection.............What the Staff get?

[twinpinesmt]

Headlines from the year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally....scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and
reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (hey! I just sent it. I didn't write it!)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil
rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with
congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Voting in Florida now not legally recognized after 10 years of
unsuccessfully counting ballots with a margin of error under 1
million.

[twinpinesmt]

Does any of this sound somewhat familiar?
1 star hangover *
No pain. No real feeling of illness.. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel this way. Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a side of fries.

2 star hangover **
Slight headache. Don't feel sick, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full Denny's breakfast. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanor about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.

3 star hangover ***
Definite headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely a space cadet and so not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a 2 liter of coke watching The Price is Right. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage 'n Cheese biscuits and a 20oz. diet coke - yet you haven't peed once.

4 star hangover ****
Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might hork. You have lost the will to live. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars), your teeth have sweaters, your eyes look like one big vein
and your hair style makes you look like a reject from a class picture circa 1976. You would give a weeks pay for one the following: 1. Home, 2. A blanket and somewhere to be alone, or 3. A time machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

5 star hangover (aka Dante's 4th Circle of Hell) *****
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually scaring the employee who sits next to you. Death seems pretty good right now. You can't focus as your eyes are scrunched up against the overpowering glare from your computer screen. Rancid vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore, staining your shirt and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth, at least you think it's toothpaste crust. You don't give a d**n either way. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva and your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your body. Talking is not an option. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because all you can manage to do is breathe....very gently.

[WI8SecFan]

Teehehehhe that is good, especially when thinking about Chicago this weekend. It would not be nearly as funny if it were not so true.

[twinpinesmt]

I wish I could go to a BFT event this year. But at least I get to go to two challengers. Now I just need a partner in crime

[twinpinesmt]

Exercise with a Horse


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Response to Dr Phil's comment on horse ownership as exercise

At this time of year, after the holidays, ads for weight-loss
programs saturate print media and the airwaves. Even TV talk shows devote time to the battle of the bulge. I caught part of a Dr. Phil episode in which the prominent self-help guru was evaluating the situation of one overweight guest. The woman commented that she'd like to buy a horse so she could get exercise via riding. "That's great for the horse," responded Dr. Phil drolly, "but what good is it for you?"

Clearly, the good doctor doesn't own a horse. At least, not the
right horse. A quiet, well-broke, agreeable mount may indeed not offer much in the way of fitness training. But the right horse (and most of us have owned 1 or 2, haven't we?) will provide a body-building, cardiovascular-enhancing workout that would make Richard Simmons envious.

Allow me to explain...

With the right horse, you begin your fitness program by walking out to the pasture. As you stride briskly, you carry the halter and
lead rope behind you, pushed up high on your back so the lead doesn't drag. The purpose of this is to tone your chest and upper-arm muscles (because you're not fooling your horse- -he knows what you're carrying). As you approach to within a few feet of him,he'll walk slowly away from you, then stop. This will be repeated several times in succession, until you're ready to jog. At that point, the horse will trot, then gallop around the pasture.

If you're at the advanced level of fitness, you may continue chasing after him for maximum aerobic benefits. Beginners may prefer to toss the halter and lead on the ground, bend forward from the waist, and engage in heavy breathing and chanting (that's what we'll call it, anyway--chanting) as the horse continues to circle the field. When the horse determines you've had enough of this warm-up session, he'll allow you to catch him.

Now comes the total upper-body workout of grooming. The right horse, of course, will be caked in dried mud. The cement-like consistent of it will require work-to-exhaustion effort of your biceps and triceps.

Next comes the bending, stretching, and toning of hoof-picking. Bend over, pick up the horse's left front foot, then be prepared to jump back as he stomps it back down to the ground. (Keep your knees bent as you jump, to protect your lower back.) Reach down and pick up the foot again, hopping about with the horse to maintain your grip as you attempt to pick what seems to be dirt mixed with Super Glue from the hoof. Eventually the horse may stand still; you may be chanting by this time. Repeat the entire circuit 3 more times, with the remaining feet.

Once you can stand erect again, it's time for the insect repellent
exercise. True, with this one, your horse may actually get more of a workout than you do, but you certainly get more of the repellent. It goes like this: Squirt!-circle-circle. Squirt!-circle-circle. Squirt!-circle-circle---and so on, until you're completely misted with repellent.

With the right horse, saddling up provides both aerobic and strength building benefits. The trick is to keep your feet moving as you heft the saddle blanket over and over, trying to keep it in place on a moving target. The blanket exercise warms you up for the saddle exercise, for which the routine is the same, only the weight is much greater--perfect for buffing those hard-to-tone shoulder muscles.

Now comes the mounting exercise. With the right horse, it's left leg up, hop-hop-hop, left leg down. Left leg up, hop-hop-hop, left leg down. For balance, go around to the other side and continue the exercise (right leg up, hop-hop-hop, right leg down, etc.). When your heart rate begins to exceed your target range, look for a bucket. Bend over, pick it up, place it upside-down next to the horse, wait for the horse to move away, then bend over, pick it up again, place it next to the horse, and so on. When the horse deems you've had enough of these repetitions, he'll stand still and allow you to actually mount.

At this point, of course, you'll be too exhausted to ride. It's best
not to overdo it, so dismount, grab a protein bar, and head to the shower.

-author unknown - via forwarded email.

[twinpinesmt]

Virus Alert!


There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take 2 good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE).

The quickest acting WINE type is called Swift-Hitting-Infiltrator-Remover-All-Zones (SHIRAZ) but this is only available for those who can afford it,the next best equivalent is Cheapest-Available-System-Killer (CASK). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

Forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life. This virus is DEADLY(Destroys-Every-Available-Decent-Living-Youngster).

Update 05-05-05: After extensive testing it has been concluded that Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE, but may require a more generous application.

[twinpinesmt]

For everyone who has ever had or given an evaluation -- just
remember, it could have been worse. These are supposedly actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-
bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more
of a definite won't be."

4 "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the
better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together."

11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary
ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

13. "He's been working with glue too much."

14. "He would argue with a signpost."

15. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

16. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

17. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the
other one."

18. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

19. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

20. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

21. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming."

22. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out
looking for it."

23. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

24. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

25. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."


26. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

27. "One neuron short of a synapse."

28. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

29. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-Minutes'."

30. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

[twinpinesmt]

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of
those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your
nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of
the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some
job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel
executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories
of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:

1. Said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn't get the job, it
would prove that the company's management was incompetent.

2. Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.

3. Brought her large dog to the interview.

4. Chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles.

5. Candidate kept giggling through serious interview.

6. She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music
at the same time.

7. Balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a
few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.

8. Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle.

9. Asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel
executive was qualified to judge the candidate.

10. Announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger
and french fries in the interviewer's office.

11. Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out during
the middle of the interview.

12.. Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as financial
vice president.

13. Said if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by
having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

14. Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering
specific interview questions.

15. Wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to
call the police.

16. When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap
dancing around my office.

17. Had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with him.

18. Bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly
thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet.

19. Took a brush out of my purse, brushed his hair and left.

20. Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me.
Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.

21. Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to insure
that the offer was formal.

22. Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much.

23. While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took
out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only,
stopping longest at the centerfold.

24. During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the
candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and
said he had to leave for another interview.

25. A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his
wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company?
When do I start? What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not
interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly
responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more." I didn't hire him,
but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to
get a higher offer.

26. An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that
the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus.

27. He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the
reception area. He didn't want it to get stolen, and stated that he
would require indoor parking for the moped.

28. He took off his right shoe and sock, removed a medicated foot
powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was
putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the
powder four times a day, and this was the time.

29. Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the
unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.

30. He whistled when the interviewer was talking.

31. She threw-up on my desk, and immediately started asking
questions about the job, like nothing had happened.

32. Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that
if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to
state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the
police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran.
No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.

33. Asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview.