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Post by twinpinesmt on Jan 13, 2006 22:45:34 GMT -5
Ok, sense I have a gazzilion forwards stored up..I thought I would start a joke a day postings.....
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Post by twinpinesmt on Jan 13, 2006 22:47:02 GMT -5
A wise old farmer went to town to buy a pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a certain price. After telling the salesman which truck he wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed the farmer the bill and the farmer declared, "This isn't the price I saw!"
The salesman went on to tell the wise old farmer how he was getting extras such as power brakes, power windows, special tires etc. and that was what took the price up. The farmer needed the truck badly, paid the price and went home.
A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, "My son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?"
The farmer said, "Yes, I have a few cows, and I would sell for $500.00 apiece.
Come look at them and take your pick."
The salesman said he and his son would be right out. After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmers cows, the two decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for
$500.00.
The farmer said--------"Now, wait a minute, that's not the final price of the cow.
You're getting extras with it and you have to pay for that too."
"What extras?" asked the salesman.
Below is the list the farmer gave the salesman for the final price of the cow....
BASIC COW................................... $500.00
Two tone exterior........................$ 75.00
Extra stomachs @$75 ea.............$225.00
Product storing equipment....... $ 60.00
Straw compartment................... $120.00
4 Spigots @$25 ea.......................$100.00
Leather upholstery.....................$125.00
Dual horns.................................$ 75.00
Automatic fly swatter................$ 58.00
fertilizer attachment................$285.00
Sub: TOTAL......................................$1,623.00
Tax............................................$146.07
Destination charges.................$175.00
GRAND TOTAL .............................$1944.07
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Post by rossco4worldchamp on Jan 14, 2006 12:51:25 GMT -5
Very cute!
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Post by twinpinesmt on Jan 14, 2006 14:04:18 GMT -5
sorry about the all caps...it was sent to me this way
> HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY:
>
> 1. AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR W/ SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.
>
> 2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM. DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.
>
> 3. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, ASK IF THEY WANT FRIES
> WITH THAT.
>
> 4. PUT YOUR GARBAGE CAN ON YOUR DESK AND LABEL IT "IN"
>
> 5. PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEE MAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN
> OVER THEIR CAFFEINE ADDICTIONS, SWITCH TO ESPRESSO.
>
> 6. WRITE "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS" IN THE MEMO LINE OF ALL YOUR CHECKS.
>
> 7. FINISH ALL YOUR SENTENCES WITH "IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY."
>
> 8. DONT USE ANY PUNCTUATION
>
> 9. AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, SKIP RATHER THAN WALK.
>
> 10.ASK PEOPLE WHAT SEX THEY ARE. LAUGH HYSTERICALLY AFTER THEY ANSWER.
>
> 11. SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THROUGH ORDER IS "TO GO".
>
> 12. SING ALONG AT THE OPERA.
>
> 13. GO TO A POETRY RECITAL AND ASK WHY THE POEMS DON'T RHYME.
>
> 14. PUT MOSQUITO NETTING AROUND YOUR WORK AREA. PLAY A TAPE OF *JUNGLE*
> SOUNDS ALL DAY.
>
> 15. FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY
> BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD.
>
> 16. HAVE YOUR COWORKERS ADDRESS YOU BY YOUR WRESTLING NAME, ROCK HARD
> KIM.
>
> 17. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT THE ATM, SCREAM "I WON!" "I WON!" "3RD TIME
> THIS WEEK!!!!!
>
> 18. WHEN LEAVING THE ZOO, START RUNNING TOWARDS THE PARKING LOT, YELLING
> "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY'RE LOOSE!!"
>
> 19. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER, "DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO
> HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO." AND THE FINAL WAY TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF
> INSANITY.......
>
> 20. SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EVERYONE IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK, EVEN IF THEY SENT
> IT TO YOU OR ASKED YOU NOT TO SEND THEM STUFF LIKE THIS!
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Post by dairymary on Jan 14, 2006 19:07:51 GMT -5
just so you know....i have used a few of those before, lmao
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Post by cowgirl4life30 on Jan 14, 2006 21:23:24 GMT -5
hmmmm... why I am I scared to ask which ones?
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Post by dairymary on Jan 14, 2006 21:50:06 GMT -5
6 8 9 10 15 16 17.....and if i had an office it would be office stuff too!
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Post by twinpinesmt on Jan 15, 2006 10:58:24 GMT -5
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. I wanna be a bear.  |
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Post by twinpinesmt on Jan 16, 2006 11:52:55 GMT -5
The Beginning Of The End....
A friend gives you a horse...
You build a small shelter...$750
You fence in a paddock...$450
Purchase small truck to haul hay...$12,000
Purchase a 2 horse trailer...$2,800
Purchase 2nd horse...$2,500
Build larger shelter with storage...$2,000
More fencing...$1,200
Purchase 3rd horse...$3,000
Purchase 4 horse trailer...$7,500
Purchase larger truck...$18,000
Purchase 4 acres next door...$28,000
More fencing...$2,000
Build small barn...$16,000
Purchase camper for truck...$9,000
Purchase tractor...$12,000
Purchase 4th & 5th horse...$6,500
Purchase 20 acres...$185,000
Build house...$135,000
Build barn...$36,000
More fencing & corrals...$24,000
Build covered arena...$82,000
Purchase =ECDually=EE...$34,000
Purchase gooseneck w/living quarters...$32,000
Purchase 6th, 7th & 8th horse...$10,750
Hire full time trainer...$40,000
Build house for trainer...$84,000
Buy motor home for shows...$125,000
Hire attorney ? wife leaving you for trainer...$5,000
Declare bankruptcy, wife got everything.
Friend feels sorry for you...gives you a horse.....
by Roger Larson
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Post by twinpinesmt on Jan 16, 2006 11:53:32 GMT -5
now only if I had the money for all that ;D
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Post by HThrash on Jan 16, 2006 12:32:00 GMT -5
Those are some good ones!!! lol
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Post by TNBullRidinGirl on Jan 16, 2006 16:31:28 GMT -5
I wish I had that kind of money too....if only money grew on trees.
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Post by twinpinesmt on Jan 17, 2006 17:37:38 GMT -5
TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO JOIN E-MAILERS ANONYMOUS 10. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom, and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 9. Your firstborn is named dotcom. 8. You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one. 7. You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop in your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment. 6. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access. 5. You find yourself typing "com" after every period.com 4. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading. 3. You move into a new home and decide to netscape before you landscape. 2. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. DRUM ROLL PLEASE AND THE NO. 1 SIGN THAT IT'S TIME TO JOIN E-MAILERS ANONYMOUS: 1. Immediately after reading this list, you e-mail it to someone. |
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Post by HThrash on Jan 17, 2006 17:51:48 GMT -5
HAHAHAHAH!!! I think some of those might be me!! hahah!!
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Post by twinpinesmt on Jan 18, 2006 13:00:31 GMT -5
10. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away. Shout "over! move over!"
9. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall". Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.
8. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your pocket/purse and write a $200 check without even looking down.
7. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing; they might as well know now.
6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you are having fun.
5. Hone your fibbing skills: "See, sweety, moving hay bales is FUN!" and "No, really, I'm glad your lucky performance and multimillion dollar horse won first place, I am just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won me second place"
4. Practice dialing you chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.
3. Borrow the US Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be: bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, frozen....
2.Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your best riding clothes and repeat to yourself "This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is...."
AND??
THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN:
1.Marry money!
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